Truth or Dare by the Death Eaters
by Bellatrix567
Summary: Nagini is bored, and nothing good has ever come of that . . . Truth or Dare! Lucius loves his hair, Nagini doesn't understand prank calls, Severus needs loopholes and Voldemort hates wigs. Draco takes them to a shopping mall in Chapter Seven. Bellamort, Sevini & Lair - others by Chapter Seven. Hilarity (hopefully) and randomness ensue!
1. Those Luscious Locks

**If anyone's wondering who the 'Lair' pairing refers to, I made it up. LuciusXhis hair. Sevini is Severus/Nagini (starts in chapter five)**

"I'm bored," Nagini announced, striding into the parlor where Voldemort and Bellatrix sat, 'reading,' and promptly tripped over a sofa. Bellatrix responded by throwing her book at the human serpent.

"Hey!"

"Medicine kit's in the bathroom," Bellatrix said, "You're not bored anymore, now, see?"

"Bellatrix!" Voldemort said, "You can't just go around doing that . . ."

"Watch me - um, of course, my Lord."

"Honored as I am by your worry for me," Nagini said, now half sprawled over the sofa, foot on her head as another would put their hand to an injury, "I can defend myself."

"You aren't doing a very good job of it," Bellatrix said snidely.

"You didn't hurt me enough to put in the effort of getting up," Nagini explained. To demonstrate her point, she made a half-jump, half-squiggle attempt of standing, which resulted in landing in the splits on the ground. "You two don't seem very bored."

"We're not. Now get out," Bellatrix said, while Voldemort's face colored to the point that he matched Severus in pallor.

"We should play Truth or Dare," Nagini suggested.

"Yeah!" Voldemort said. Bellatrix quickly tried to school the revulsion out of her face as she cautiously asked, "With whom?"

"The usuals, I guess," Nagini said, "Severus, Fenrir -"

"You just lost all the support you had there-"

"-Lucius, Wormtail."

"Okay!" Voldemort said, "Bellatrix, I believe you're the only one here with a Dark Mark . . ."

"Must we, my Lord?"

"We must. We can make this up later -"

"But Rodolphus will regrow his blasted-off penis in two days," Bellatrix protested.

"So blast it off again!"

"That's boring. I was planning to use a butter knife, but stupid Lucius took them all, and a regular knife is too quick . . . why are you covering your ears, my Lord?"

"No reason at all, of course. Let's summon the rest here."

"Alright," Nagini said, making no comment on the Dark Lord's inability to hear either dirty words or bloody torture. "OI! LUCIUS! GET DOWN HERE!"

"NO!" came the reply.

"THE DARK LORD COMMANDS YOU!"

"THEN THE DARK LORD SHOULD BE THE ONE . . ." Lucius trailed off as he realized that this likely meant Voldemort was in the room as well, and he didn't want to be disrespectful to his Lord.

"LUCIUS GET DOWN HERE OR I WILL SUMMON YOU HERE BY YOUR HAIR," Bellatrix called pleasantly. Lucius came down.

Lucius' Dark Mark summoned Severus and Wormtail, and Fenrir got the memo as well; within the minute they were reluctantly seated in a circle as Voldemort explained the rules of Truth or Dare.

"Someone asks you a question or tells you to do something, and you have to answer or do something. If you don't, you'll be turned into a baby for a week. Or your patronus form. I think. Or both. Or one or the other. Or a sloth . . . oh, whatever. I'll go first," Voldemort said, "Um . . . Nagini, truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"Eat an entire bottle of mustard," Voldemort commanded. Nagini jumped up - her walking abilities were cured along with her boredom - and ran to grab the bottle.

"How do you open it?"

"Lid's on the top," Voldemort said, eager to get on with the game. Lucius was making a show of looking away; Fenrir seemed almost excited.

"I know that. It won't open."

"You aren't opening it."

"Yes, I am."

"Whatever. Give it here." Voldemort opened the bottle of mustard, which Nagini took and happily began to squirt into her mouth.

"This stuff is gross, you know."

"It's not nearly as gross as you talking with your mouth full," Lucius said.

"Serves you right."

"For what?"

"Lucius, truth or dare!"

"Truth," Lucius said immediately. He didn't want to see what one of Nagini's dares would be.

"Hm . . . what's the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to you?"

Lucius closed his eyes briefly at the pain of the memory . . . but he didn't want to be turned into a baby. Or a sloth. "Fenrir . . . filthy werewolf . . . he dipped my . . . my beautiful . . . my . . ."

"Get on with it!"

"Hedippedmyhairintoapoolofbloodonthefloor," Lucius admitted. Half the Death Eaters started laughing at this; the other half simply looked nonplussed.

"You never get blood on your hair?" Bellatrix asked. "All the torturing you used to do . . "

"I use magical protective charms on it!" Lucius said, "That was disgusting! And he touched it, too! Fenrir touched my hair!"

"I would go and lick it, too, but my ears are damaged enough from Bellatrix' torture victims."

"You're disgusting!" Lucius wailed, leaping backwards. "Stay away from me, werewolf! Stay away from me and my precious locks!"

"Oooh, this is so tempting . . ." Fenrir whined.

"Lucius, you have to ask someone," Voldemort said.

"Severus, truth or dare?"

Severus hesitated only a fraction of a second. "Dare."

"Please do make it interesting," Nagini added.

"Cruel," Bellatrix said, "Oooh, and bloody. Lots of blood."

"Okay," Lucius started to imagine the cruelest thing he could think of. "Severus, I dare you to allow Greyback to lick your hair."

Fenrir recoiled. "I'm not putting my mouth on that!"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Impressive. Alright, Fenrir, I give you full permission to lick my hair."

"I'm good, thanks."

"Excellent. Bellatrix, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Imitate either Nagini or Lucius for the next seven rounds."

Well, that didn't sound too bad . . . until Bellatrix realized Nagini was sitting in a sideways split and Lucius was rocking back and forth, trembling and trying to protect his hair.

"Lucius, you are going to do exactly as I do for the next seven rounds," she commanded.

"It's not your turn," he returned.

"Yes, but you still will, because if you don't, I will cut off your hair as you sleep," Bellatrix explained. Lucius gasped.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh yes I would. Now imitate me._ Now_, Lucius."

"That's cheating," Nagini protested.

"No, it isn't," Bellatrix snapped, "I'm doing exactly as he's doing."

"Which he's doing _on your orders."_

"That had nothing to do with the dare!"

"That's ridiculous!"

"Shut up, Nagini! My Lord, truth or dare?"

"Dare." The Dark Lord didn't want to look weak when all his followers, save Lucius, had chosen dare. And whatever Bellatrix did wouldn't be so bad . . . right?

"Then I dare you to . . . order all your male Death Eaters and Alecto to wear pink robes for a month."

"Oh, the blissful merits of not having the Mark . . ."

"And yes, Greyback and Nagini count, too."

"Bellatrix, that is amazing. All of Fenrir's Muggles can go to you."

"What!? That's not fair, I haven't had a chance to dare someone yet . . . uh, my Lord," Fenrir protested.

"Yes, but yours wouldn't be as amazing as mine," Bellatrix said.

"Do we have to wear robes?" Nagini asked.

"You'd think after lobbying to go naked for months and wielding no results would tell you something," Voldemort said.

"Hey, I haven't been 'lobbying to go naked' - I just find clothes both ugly and impractical."

"Whatever. Wormtail, truth or dare?"

"T-truth, my Lord."

"Hm, let's see . . . you were young when you joined up. Why did you become an Animagus?"

"Because . . ." Wormtail faltered. The answer to that wouldn't win him any friends - unless Severus had spread rumors about him, few knew that he had been friends with Harry's father, one of Bellatrix's most hated enemies, and a werewolf - although whether Fenrir would take the story as a compliment or an insult, he was unsure.

It was then that Wormtail discovered the blessing of ambiguity.

"I thought it was cool, and my friends wanted me to, and I was also theoretically helping a friend."

"Bit more specific, please?" Voldemort asked.

"Do, pray tell," Severus added, "I'm sure this is a tale Bellatrix would love to hear . . ."

"Greyback, truth or dare," Wormtail squeaked, not keen to get into a fight with Bellatrix.

"Dare. And make it good."

There were a lot of good dares, Wormtail realized, werewolf-related or not . . . but he didn't need Fenrir lusting for his blood as well. Nagini's Animagus fetish (taste-wise), combined with Severus' hatred for him (the reasons for this he never fully understood), and Bellatrix's decision that he failed at everything in life, and therefore it would be kinder for him to lack one was troublesome enough.

"Lick Snape's hair." Wormtail longed to backtrack the minute he saw their expressions. Severus was vengeful. "Or Lucius'. That's okay, too."

"You're sick, Wormtail," Fenrir snarled. But this was also too fun an opportunity to pass up. Fenrir leaped towards Lucius, who was dutifully batting his eyelashes at Voldemort, and dragged his tongue up Lucius' shimmery blonde mane.

Unsurprisingly, Lucius let out an ear-piercing shriek.

"Bellatrix," Severus hissed.

"Oh, right. Lucius!"

"What?"

"Act like me, remember?"

"Bella, the worst thing in the entire world has happened to me, you cannot simply expect-" the rest of his sentence was cut off as Bellatrix slapped him. No one calls Bellatrix Bella.

Meanwhile, Fenrir reacted almost as dramatically.

"Oh, god, that's disgusting! I'll have to eat raw meat for a month to get this stench away . . . what the hell did you put in there, Lucy? Tasted like cleaning products."

"I put conditioner in it!" Lucius wailed. "And straightener! And it will never be the same again! You've _ruined_ it, filthy werewolf!"

"Come on, you've probably got dragon spit or something else already in those hair products," Nagini said, trying to be consoling. "So another magical creature doesn't really hurt . . . I could add my spit, too, if you'd like."

"Don't," Fenrir advised. "It's . . . that is . . . not something you'd like to have on your mouth," he finished. Voldemort reacted badly to swearwords.

"NOOOOO!" Lucius wailed. "MY _HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!"_

"Bellatrix!"

"Shut up, I'm acting like Nagini!"

"I don't see you doing the splits."

"OW! That was seriously unwarranted - you could have just asked."

"She's not doing the splits, either."

Fenrir returned from wherever he had gone to find a slab of raw meat to find Lucius still wailing, Nagini twisting herself into some sort of pretzel, Bellatrix glowering at the both of them, Wormtail trembling, and Severus and Voldemort watching from the corner of the room. This was going to be a long game . . .

**Probably not my best, but what the hell. Review? Oh, and if you happen to have any interesting dares you'd like me to incorporate, I'd be more than happy to comply!**


	2. Makeup and Hairstyling

Fenrir rejoined the circle, ripping off a chunk of raw meat with his teeth before asking, "Let's see . . . Nagini, truth or dare."

"Dare," Nagini said easily, "But are we just going to go in a circle? Don't people usually use, I don't know, a bottle or something?"

"Oh, right! Damn, I forgot about that," Voldemort said, quickly conjuring a bottle from thin air. "We'll use this to determine who gets chosen from now on," he informed the Death Eaters. "For now, Fenrir . . ."

"Right. Nagini, I dare you to put Severus' hair into pigtails."

"What did I ever do to you?" Severus demanded, though towards whom it was unclear.

"You're on!" Nagini started towards Severus, only to have him back into a corner and raise his wand. Hm. Sometimes it paid to be Bellatrix . . . Nagini couldn't simply order people around and expect them to do her bidding.

"Does anyone have a one of those hair thingies?" Nagini asked.

"Nagini, I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you near my hair."

"Don't be so cocky - you never wash it, anyway," Bellatrix said. Then she remembered her dare - the one which Severus had the kindness of granting her. "Nagini, attack on three."

"Oh no you don't," Severus snapped.

"One - don't forget to raise an imaginary wand - two. . . "

"Bellatrix, I swear . . ."

"C'mon, Severus, this'll be fun!"

"THREE!"

Bellatrix and Nagini tackled Severus together, pinned him down and managed a pigtail each before Voldemort called them off.

"Very . . . interesting, you two. Severus, keep them in!" the Dark Lord said, as Severus' hands went to the tangle of twin pigtails sprouting from the top of his head. "Although I never saw _Nagini _dragging her fingernails down Severus' face, Bellatrix," Voldemort added.

"The blood adds color," Bellatrix replied, "And with a bit of wandwork there'll be no scarring."

"Have a hand kerchief, Lucius?" Severus asked; he'd healed enough Bellatrix-inflicted wounds to know it was useless to complain. Nagini did look slightly apologetic, but that was about all the sympathy he would get.

"Too many of my things are bloodied!" Lucius sighed dramatically, passing over a laced and perfumed kerchief. "Last week Fenrir bled all over my carpet and sofa . . ."

"Well _sor-ry_, it wasn't my fault the meeting was right after the full moon - and I don't usually get into fights. That new one, Lupin -"

"Nagini," Severus cut in, now running his wand along the bloody marks on his face to make them vanish, "Your turn."

"Right," she said warily, leaning forward to spin the bottle. It landed on Severus. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Spies simply don't pick truth, especially right after diverting the attention from whatever Fenrir was about to say. If the werewolf continued talking, Wormtail might actually start to listen, and divulge some crucial information concerning Remus' loyalties.

"Alright . . . I dare you to, without changing your hair, allow Bellatrix to apply your makeup."

"Nagini . . ." Bellatrix' face was alight at the opportunity. "I take back any derogatory thing I've ever said about you."

"That's pretty damn close to love, for her," Fenrir added.

"You still have to mimic Nagini," Severus hissed through gritted teeth. "Or Lucius."

"Oh, right. Well, Lucius can help me - he can do one half. Just for symmetry." Bellatrix grinned as if she had just tortured a hundred Muggles, then bled them to death toothpicks and nail clippers. "Let's get that makeup kit, Lucius. Severus can dare someone in the meantime."

"Alright," Severus smirked almost sadistically as he spun the bottle. It landed on Wormtail, who squirmed under his gaze.

"D-dare," Wormtail squeaked. He wasn't too keen on whatever truths Severus could present.

"Continually hug everyone except me until you are tortured twice by Bellatrix, via the Cruciatus only. No one can tell her this is the way to stop you."

"Do I have to?" he squeaked. "I mean . . ."

"You heard Nagini's dare, now shut up and get to it."

Wormtail's eyes darted from the remaining people in the room; Fenrir, Nagini and Voldemort. Deciding after a few moments' hesitation to go for the sole human he was allowed to hug, Wormtail ran over and threw his arms around the Dark Lord's neck. Voldemort yelped, then sank into the embrace - only for a moment, as Bellatrix' footsteps sounded on the staircase. The Dark Lord couldn't lose face in front of his most loyal follower.

"C'mon, Severus, this'll be fun," Bellatrix cackled. Her joy was getting pretty scary, even for Bellatrix. Severus only groaned and waited for the torture to begin.

Meanwhile, Wormtail spun the bottle. It landed on Lucius, who was helping apply Severus' make up. Perhaps 'apply' wasn't the proper word - Bellatrix was seeing just how much damage she could do with lipstick.

"Lucius, truth or dare?" Wormtail asked cautiously.

"Bellatrix, stop it, that stuff costs twenty Galleons a tube . . . what, Wormtail?" Lucius had that inexplicable talent of managing to sound cold and disdainful at a moment's notice.

"Truth or dare?" Wormtail repeated.

"Truth." What with all the . . . interesting . . . dares being tossed back and forth, Lucius wasn't sure he wanted to risk it.

"Aw, truth is lame," Wormtail said, while Severus snarled, "Remember your dare, Wormy."

"_Fine._" Wormtail huffed. He steeled himself for a moment, then half-leaped over and hugged Nagini, who hissed and snapped playfully at him. Wormtail scrambled away, then turned to Lucius. "Do you still have stuffed animals?"

"I - what?" Lucius asked, reddening.

"Do you have stuffed animals, Lucy?" Bellatrix repeated.

"Why? Wormtail, that is the worst possible question!" Lucius said, but his face turned a more vibrant shade of pink.

"You're avoiding the question."

"Nagini?" Severus asked, still gritting his teeth, "Repeated stabbing with a mascara stick doesn't count as applying makeup, does it?"

"No, I suppose it wouldn't," Nagini replied. She hadn't actually thought of that, but then again, this was Bellatrix. "Please don't go and have a big duel, though, you two. I don't think dear Lord Voldemort would really fancy losing his two most important Death Eaters."

"Don't use the Dark Lord's name," Bellatrix snarled. "Lucius, dear?"

"I . . . anyone who laughs will . . ."

"What, have to listen to you whine?" Bellatrix said, "Just say it, for god's sake!"

"FINE! Yes, Wormtail, I have stuffed animals," Lucius snapped. In an act of rebellion, he turned away and ran a hand through his hair, as Bellatrix still had to act like him. He stopped immediately as she turned her glare on him, however.

Fenrir burst out laughing; after recovering from the shock, the rest of the Death Eaters joined him. All except Nagini, who asked, "What are stuffed animals?" This elicited a fresh wave of cackles, until Voldemort reminded Lucius it was his turn.

The bottle landed on Fenrir, who quickly picked dare.

Severus chose that time to extricate himself from Bellatrix and her cosmetically inclined torture devices. With his hair in pigtails, he was hardly recognizable, and the lipstick smeared across his features didn't help. Brilliantly blue and green eyeshadow covered not only Severus' eyelashes, but the entire area around his eyes. An extremely heavy unibrow was pencilled in, and Bellatrix had taken the liberty to give him a Spanish conquistador mustache.

"Attractive, Severus," Fenrir managed.

"Thank Nagini."

"It's okay; I'm sure you can get revenge on me later," she grinned.

"Fenrir," Lucius began dramatically, "I dare you to only eat vegetables for the rest of the week."

"What!? NO! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT TO ME!" Fenrir began to panic, then realized his dare was likely going into effect right now. He began tearing off huge chunks of raw meat before anyone else realized the same.

"The dare starts now, Greyback." Damn. Too late. Severus' smirk wasn't quite as scary from under all his makeup, however.

"Revenge . . . sweet revenge," Lucius murmured.

"Bellatrix . . ."

"I've been keeping count, actually, and that dare has already wore out. So ha. Thought I would make a fool of myself, did you?"

Still wondering exactly how he was expected to survive the next week, Fenrir spun the bottle. It landed on Bellatrix.

"Truth or dare?"

Bellatrix hesitated on that one . . . but she didn't want to be the first, save Lucius, to revert to truth. "Dare."

Fenrir grinned nastily, showing bloody, pointed teeth. He had the perfect dare for Bellatrix . . .

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**Thank you to CoconutBanana for supplying Lucius' confession about still owning stuffies. More of her suggestions to come! Look forward to them, people!  
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	3. Pizza and Pretty Pictures

**Two updates in one day! Yay me!**

"Bellatrix," Fenrir said with flourish, "I dare you to draw a picture of the Dark Lord . . . and it has to be naked."

Voldemort yelped as the dare sank in; Bellatrix gritted her teeth, the joy from applying Severus' makeup vanishing in an instant.

"You . . . dare?"

"I - yes, it was a dare," Fenrir said, halfway between amused and frightened.

"You dare disrespect the Dark Lord enough as to have his followers picture him naked?"

"And draw it, yes."

"You'll pay for this later, Greyback. For now, get me parchment and quill."

Fenrir considered retorting that, thanks to her, he not only had to wear pink robes for the month, but all his Muggles to be mauled were being taken away. However, he didn't want to have to 'pay' for that any more than for the original dare, so he said nothing and did as he was bidden.

"Hey, anyone notice where Severus went?" Nagini asked.

"Probably to wash off the makeup," Lucius said, "You will have to be more specific next time, Nagini." Then he remembered that Nagini wasn't human and therefore he shouldn't deign to speak to her; to make up for his mistake, Lucius turned away and jammed his nose in the air.

Accepting the parchment Fenrir handed to her, Bellatrix began to sketch, spinning the bottle with her left hand. It landed on Lucius, who hurriedly picked truth. Although some of Bellatrix' anger was likely feigned to cover up any hint of enjoyment, he still didn't want to see what she could come up with.

"Always picking truth, Lucy," she murmured. Bellatrix was the only one who was allowed to call him that - in public - without any retort. Well, sometimes he and Fenrir just gave up on one another and withstood 'Lucy' and 'filthy werewolf,' but that was just from sheer overuse of the derogatory terms.

"Let's see . . . oh! Are you comfortable with your body image?"

That certainly took him aback. "What?" Wormtail chose that moment to hug him, a bit too consolingly for Lucius' taste.

"Excellent, Bella . . . Bellatrix, I mean," Nagini said.

"Oh, come on. Keep going on like this, and neither girl will feel any violent urges towards the other by the end of the day," Severus said in mock sweet tones. His face was completely washed clean, if not a bit red where he'd had to scrub the makeup off.

"I never had any violent urges in the first place," Nagini said, "No, seriously! I-"

"Forgive me if I'm wrong here, but isn't the first thing you notice about people how good they will taste?"

"Well, yes, but I never wanted to eat Bellatrix - she's actually useful, you see."

"I think Lucy here is using this distraction as a reason not to answer."

"Shut up, Greyback!" Lucius snapped.

"Well, Lucius?" Bellatrix asked, continuing to sketch. She had angled herself so that no one could see what was on the parchment.

"I . . . er . . . define the question for me, would you?"

"We should go in a circle and ask everyone this!" Nagini announced, fixating her gaze on Voldemort like Bellatrix would a twitching half-dead child.

"Are you comfortable with how you look?" Bellatrix explained as if speaking to a five year old. "You don't think you're too fat or too scrawny?" Her gaze flicked pointedly from Wormtail to Severus as she said this.

"NO!" Lucius decided. "NO, I'm not, because I have werewolf spit all over my hair!"

"Well, if you didn't?"

"You already asked one question," Lucius said.

"I have a feeling you're hiding something."

Lucius replied to that by spinning the bottle again. It landed on Nagini, who picked dare. Keen to cover up after his rather awkward truth, Lucius commanded that she order pizza.

"Order what?" Nagini asked.

"Pizza."

"Um . . . okay. Wormtail, could you please go get some pizza?" The Death Eaters fell into silence for a moment at the newfound knowledge that Nagini did not know how to order pizza.

"Since when was ordering Wormtail around the regular way to get things?" Voldemort asked, breaking the silence with not the least awkward of questions.

"Since Greyback was in a bad mood," Lucius supplied.

"Hey! I've never gotten you any crap!" Fenrir protested.

"Well, yes, but you're a were-"

"Before we get into yet another superiority argument," Nagini cut in, "Could someone just explain how to order pizza?"

"There's a telephone and a phonebook somewhere in this house," Voldemort said, after the Death Eaters engaged in an intense staredown. Muggle knowledge wasn't something to be boastful about.

"A what?"

"Severus?" Voldemort hissed.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake." Severus grudgingly explained how to use a telephone and summoned one from who-knows-where for Nagini to call the pizza company.

"PIZZA PLACE!? HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME?! . . . oh, really? But yelling is so much more fun . . . isn't the customer supposed to always be right? . . . okay, fine, I'm getting there . . . do you have werewolf pizza? . . . I mean like chopped up bits of werewolf on a pizza - oh, damn, sorry, Fenrir . . . can we have just werewolves on Dumbledore's side? . . . no, sir, I am not part of a gang . . . I have full rights to use a telephone . . . please stop implying I'm not entirely sane, it takes a while to adjust to human norms! . . . yes, I'm a snake . . . well, I'm in human form, you see . . . yes, it is possible . . . can I still have that werewolf pizza? . . . they do exist! That's ridiculous, there's one sitting next to me right now! . . . yes, really. I promise . . . okay, that's just rude. Can I still have my pizza? . . . fine, then, any Animagus pizza? For the sake of equality I'll apologize to Wormtail . . . yeah, they're people who turn into animals . . . delicious . . . I don't care, just find one for me and cut it up and put it on a pizza. Hell, just bring the whole half-dead, half-alive, half-transformed carcass over to me . . . no, that was not three halves, the last one was referring not to its enlivened state but its state of transfiguration . . . no, this is not a prank call . . . I really want my pizza! Don't you hang up on me, you little - Damn! Bastard hung up!"

"It sounds like you had a rather . . . interesting conversation there, Nagini," Voldemort smirked.

"He was being annoying," she sniffed, then leaned forward to spin the bottle. It landed on Voldemort. "Truth or dare?"

The Dark Lord considered; Nagini knew most of his secrets, but she doubtlessly wouldn't hesitate to reveal them to the rest of the Death Eaters. She was also the only one willing to dare him to do some really embarrassing things . . . "Dare."

"Bellatrix, are you finished with that drawing of yours yet?" Severus inquired.

"No," came the snarled reply.

"You guys, you guys," Nagini said, "I'm trying to think of a dare."

"It's obvious for you, isn't it?" Severus said. Nagini cocked her head in question; he mouthed, "You're the only one the Dark Lord won't torture."

_Oh, right . . . _but having Voldemort kiss Bellatrix was so boring. True, she was the only one he wouldn't torture, but she had something better in mind.

"I dare you to wear a wig for the rest of the game, my Lord."

Bellatrix swore loudly as she turned over-protective, hate-filled eyes on Nagini. "Wear a wig?" she hissed.

"Wear a wig," Nagini said cheerily. "A curly blonde one, preferably, but any wig will do."

"The rest of the game?" Voldemort asked, half-pleading. He tried to go for half-threatening, but only Bellatrix could pull that off whilst begging for mercy.

"The rest of the game," Nagini said. "Now hurry up, go find a wig. Oh, but first truth or dare someone."

Glaring, cheeks once again reddening (the Dark Lord was as pale as Bellatrix, this time - a serious sign for him), Voldemort spun the bottle. Wormtail.

"Dare?" It came out more as a question than a statement.

"Take off your shirt and attempt to do the worm."

"No one wants to see that!" Fenrir protested. "C'mon, we're all already scarred for life . . ."

"Just wait 'til you see Bellatrix' drawing," Severus smirked. Bellatrix flicked ink at him, but realized that this was useless against someone with black hair and black robes.

"I . . . what's the worm?" Wormtail asked.

"Some American dance," Voldemort said, "Now, I've got to go and find a wig. Have fun!"

Wormtail did consider refusing. His patronus form was the same as his Animagus form, and being a rat at this moment wouldn't be such a bad idea. Actually . . .

Rat Wormtail did an excellent impression of the worm - for a rat. It was probably much better than human Wormtail could do, at any rate. Furthermore, no one protested it was cheating - no one wanted to see bare-chested Wormtail perform the worm.

The bottle next landed on Lucius, who for the first time picked dare. Whatever Wormtail threw at him couldn't be that bad . . . could it?

"I dare you to not wear cologne or perfume or any other scented spray for a week."

. . . or maybe it could, Lucius thought.

"I LOVE YOU WORMTAIL!" Fenrir and Nagini threw themselves on the recently turned back Animagus; although still keeping their distance, Severus and Bellatrix wasted no time in giving their approval.

"I still want to eat the both of you," Nagini said lovingly from the bottom of the tangle. "Half transformed and half alive."

**I'm planning to update at least one of my fics at least once a week, now that summer's come around. Wednesday will likely be the deadline. I'm not sure why exactly I'm posting this . . . I'm terrible at regularity between updates.**

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	4. Mushy Mushy Revelations

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style="white-space: pre;"N/spanew chapter! Keep going like this and I soon will have the type of sizable story most seem to attain easily . . .br /span/strong/p 


	5. Bets and Drama

**Sorry for the long wait! I've given you an extra long chapter for it.**

"Truth or dare, Wormtail?" Voldemort was still blushing slightly, but no one dared mention this. Nagini simply didn't notice.

"Dare, m'Lord." Traitors, like spies, aren't prone to truth.

"Confess your undying love for the next person who walks in the room."

"Oooh, incorporating non-players now, are we?" Nagini hissed.

"That's what usually happens. The house just so happens to be empty, so it hasn't happened . . . yet."

Wormtail spun the bottle; it pointed to Lucius.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

Wormtail went with the typical "Who would you rather be stranded on an island with?"

"Nar-"

"It has to be one of the players," Wormtail said.

"Alright, then." Lucius' eyes flitted around the circle. "Severus."

"_Snape?_" Bellatrix asked, confused, surprised and indignant. "Out of some allegedly useful Death Eaters, you choose Snape?"

"It's not that much of an honor, Bellatrix," Severus said.

"Take it as a compliment that Lucius has likely deemed you capable of eating him," Nagini suggested. Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

"I wouldn't _eat_ him, thank you very much, Nagini. Humans aren't too keen to indulge in cannibalism, generally."

"I know, but you're stranded on an island with no other source of food, am I right, Lucius?"

"If he wanted food, he would have chosen Wormtail," Fenrir said. "Who knows, Snape might be able to beat him in hand-to-hand combat."

"Unlike you two, I wasn't judging based on culinary advantages," Lucius said scathingly.

"You certainly will be once you're on that island, and then you'll be sorry you didn't go with someone with a bit more meat," Nagini replied, chest to the ground while in a sideways split. She wasn't counting rounds, exactly, but likely her dare was still in place, and she didn't want to be turned into a sloth if it was.

"Actually, it appears Lucius was judging based on skill set; was I right?" Severus said.

"Precisely. And you're the only one I can stand for more than two hours."

"We've been playing for more than two hours," Nagini said. "And come on, Lucius. There can't be that many potions ingredients on the island. Better to choose someone who supplies a great deal of food, then put your own survival skills to the test."

"Lucius _has_ no survival skills, Nagini," Fenrir said. "Nor cooking skills."

"Then he's screwed either way, which is why he should-"

"Which is why I would choose Severus, although my own cooking skills are just fine, thank you very much," Lucius sniffed.

"I doubt that. Since when have you cooked anything?" Fenrir said. Lucius glared at him, then decided not to reply. He hadn't tried to cook ever since his Christmas pudding exploded in the oven, and that was three years ago.

The bottle landed on Bellatrix, who picked dare. Lucius wouldn't try anything too bad, would he?

Severus leaned over and murmured something to the blonde Pureblood, who smirked in return.

"I dare you, Bellatrix, to show us your drawing and allow us to critique it for an extended amount of time."

"Like hell I will," Bellatrix snarled, then colored as she realized it was that or turn into a sloth. And while sloths have long nails, they aren't the fastest of animals, and they can't very well hold daggers. "You bastards will pay for this." And with a flourish, she held the naked drawing of the Dark Lord up for all his most loyal Death Eaters to see.

Nagini and Fenrir looked at one another, then burst out laughing. Lucius looked rather disgusted, Wormtail nauseous. But Severus was definitely smirking, at Bellatrix' embarrassment if nothing else. Voldemort at first looked shocked, then rather flattered.

"It's not . . . that . . . big," Nagini choked out. Another glance at the picture sent her rolling on the floor.

"How would you know, you slimy little -"

"People undress in front of their pets, Bellatrix," Severus said; Nagini seemed incapable of replying at the moment. "No offense intended, Nagini."

"None . . . taken." Then Nagini looked up, finally stemming her laughter. "Wormtail's seen it, too, you know. Back before -"

"Nagini, shut up!" Voldemort yelled, finally getting over his shock at Bellatrix' depiction of him.

"Oooh, critiquing!" Nagini said, ignoring the Dark Lord. "Well, it's not a particularly bad drawing - it just doesn't accurately portray the subject. You see, the Dark Lord lacks the slim muscles all over his body, as does he lack -"

"Enough," Voldemort snarled. "Thank you, Bellatrix, would you mind if I kept this picture on my wall? Now I believe it is someone else's turn."

Fate, in the form of an empty beer bottle, chose Severus. Bellatrix smirked nastily. _Excellent._ "Truth or dare?"

"Dare?"

"Then I dare you to choose someone apart from myself or the Dark Lord to act out the night you lost your virginity." Bellatrix smiled like she had just killed ten Muggles with a protractor.

"I - what!?"

"If you are still a virgin, choose someone, get a room, and tomorrow you two can reenact how you lost your virginity." Fenrir, Lucius and Wormtail exchanged looks of absolute horror.

"Don't be ridiculous, of course I'm not a virgin!" Severus snarled. It wasn't a truth, so he wouldn't turn into a sloth. Hopefully. "But please expand on your rules. To what degree are we supposed to reenact?"

"Oh, don't take off your clothes, please. Just go through the foreplay and whatnot, and then, you know . . . just keep your clothes on. And you don't have to actually kiss."

"I'm sorry, Severus," Voldemort said, as Severus steeled himself. "You were very useful in your time . . ."

The rat, werewolf, Barbie, or snake . . . well, at least Nagini wouldn't kill him later. Or try to; Severus was fairly sure he could out-duel Lucius, Fenrir and Wormtail. Of course, asking Nagini would be incredibly awkward - hopefully she wouldn't say anything . . .

"Nagini?" He didn't dare phrase it as a demand, although that would undoubtedly save face in front of the rest of the Death Eaters.

"Can't say I'm too surprised," she said, leaping forward a tad too readily. "Are we saying whatever was said, too?" Almost imperceptibly, Severus shook his head; she grinned in reply.

"Whatever Snape can remember," Bellatrix replied. "Why don't you two discuss that for a minute, then come back and give the rest of us a show?" Only Fenrir and she seemed interested in said 'show'; the others wore expressions of mingled fear and distaste.

"Alright." Nagini sprung to her feet; Severus rose more slowly, on shaky limbs. They turned away from the rest once they reached the corner, murmuring together. Not too far in Nagini hissed "I'm going to slap you, because you're being an asshole." And she slapped him. Severus wasn't caught unprepared, and so didn't stumble, but snarled an inaudible retort. Nagini collapsed in laughter a few minutes later before the two returned to the center of the circle.

Both their faces were devoid of emotion, although Nagini still seemed on the verge of laughter. "Well," she hissed. "You going to summon a sofa over?"

"Please do," Bellatrix said. "Set it against that wall, so we all have a good view."

"Being the darer does not mean you are permitted order us around," Severus snapped, but he followed her command. Lucius opened his mouth, likely to protest that he didn't want a snake pretending to have sex on his sofa, but thought better of it. He didn't want to ruin Bellatrix' fun, especially as he had been the one to give her last dare.

Emotionlessly, Severus sprawled out on the sofa, and Nagini climbed atop him, hissing. And so the reenactment of the birds and the bees began. Voldemort soon found it too mature to watch, and instead took up the fetal position so as to shield his eyes. Severus and Nagini did say everything they remembered - they just said it inaudibly. Whether Nagini's inexperience was part of the act or just her inexperience, it was difficult to tell - she appeared to remember how things went just as well as he.

The thirty seconds - _it_ was speeded up, naturally - seemed like several hours, but at long last the two disentangled themselves and dashed for opposite corners of the room, Nagini still on the verge of laughter. Severus' blush belied the face he somehow managed to school into emotionlessness.

"It's your turn, Snape," Bellatrix called in a singsong voice.

"Oh, one question?" Fenrir asked. "Er, Nagini, were you there . . . the first time?" He wasn't sure exactly how to phrase it, especially in front of the Dark Lord's sensitive ears (Bellatrix, of course, was an exception to said ears).

Nagini contemplated that for a moment, then answered, "Yeah, I was."

The reaction was instantaneous. Voldemort triumphantly yelled, "I knew it!"; Bellatrix swore viciously; Wormtail looked revolted; Lucius had to excuse himself, looking rather nauseous as he did so; Severus tried harder than ever to melt into the corner, then gave up and cast a Disillusionment Charm on himself; and Fenrir called to Bellatrix, "Ha! You owe me thirty Galleons!"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Voldemort asked, abashed that his most trusted confidant would withhold such secrets. Before Nagini could answer, however, Bellatrix took the opportunity to point out all of the serpent's distrustfulness and flaws - also hopefully averting attention from the thirty Galleons she now owed.

"Bellatrix." Fenrir extended his pink-nailed hand. "You started the bet; now pay up."

Bellatrix turned sharply to Severus. "You two are together?"

"You made bets on our sex lives?" Severus returned, taken aback.

"Everyone does, don't they?" Nagini said. "And Fenrir, you could have told me - I would have given it away sooner."

"No, everyone doesn't."

"Answer the question," Bellatrix snapped.

"The bet was that they had sex," Fenrir protested. "And an _extra_ sixty Galleons if they were going steady."

"I _know_ that, damn it," Bellatrix snarled. She snarled quite a few other curse words as well, but this is close enough to rated M as it is. "Well? Are you?"

"Not . . . exactly?" Severus struggled for an appropriate insult to bring him off the defensive, but came up with nothing.

"While we're on the subject of bets," Nagini added, addressing the werewolf. "You still owe me ten Galleons!"

"From when?"

"From when Bellatrix and Voldemort were making out in the closet, remember?"

"Oh, right. I'll get them to you in a sec. Bellatrix?"

"What do you mean by not exactly?" Bellatrix said.

"I wouldn't say we're dating, but both sides are a bit more _willing_ than you and the Da-" Severus found himself unable to continue, as Bellatrix had recently punched him in the face.

"Bellatrix . . ."

"For Satan's sake, _fine, _Greyback," Bellatrix snapped. "_Accio thirty Galleons!"_

"_Thank_ you."

"Welcome." Bellatrix hurled the bag of gold at Fenrir's face, giving him a bloody nose in the process. She wasn't even that upset - and the sight of blood, on both Severus' face and Fenrir's, cheered her up greatly - but Fenrir didn't protest. Not very loudly, at least.

"Oh, Lucius?" Bellatrix asked sweetly. "Remember that time you said you were willing to bet five thousand Galleons that Greyback and Nagini were screwing?"

"Actually . . . no, I have absolutely no memory of that, Bellatrix," Lucius replied, as eager to avoid the center of attention as Severus. Damn it, why had he returned here after vomiting? "I believe you must be . . ."

"Imagining things?"

"Mistaken," Lucius said hastily, now beginning to crawl backwards.

"But I wasn't. We were in the middle of a Death Eater meeting, Lucy, and you got in trouble for speaking out loud. The Dark Lord pulled the schoolteacher card and asked you to repeat yourself where everyone could hear you."

"I do remember that," Fenrir growled.

"Please," Nagini hissed, "You are perfectly happy to flirt with me when no one else is around."

"That's not flirting. Flirting with you would be disgusting. You're a _snake!"_ And yes, Fenrir was perfectly aware of all the werewolf-related retorts he was sure to get.

"And you're a werewolf. You two are perfect for each other!" Bellatrix said. Equal expressions and outbursts of revulsion came from the two nonhumans.

"How the hell does that make sense?" Fenrir demanded. "I turn into a wolf every month. She has been a snake for her entire life! She's a reptile! That wouldn't . . ."

"Oh, you're one to talk. He's _warm-blooded!"_ Nagini accentuated the insult with several retching noises.

"That . . . Nagini, that really doesn't make any sense," Voldemort protested.

"Doesn't it?" she asked. "It makes perfect sense. He's warm-blooded. He doesn't freeze in the winter. He eats _every day. _He's got fur in all sorts of weird places. He's got all sorts of bones coming out at awkward angles with nonsensical joints and a spinal cage that doesn't move."

"So does Severus."

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does."

"No, he doesn't."

"Does too."

"Does not."

"Does too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too. Come _on,_ Nagini. It's undeniable Severus has limbs; you've seen him eat every day; all humans are warm-blooded and don't freeze in the winter."

"Severus has to eat every day, he's too scrawny not to. And I can fix the limbs, and the fur. And no, he isn't warm-blooded, but even if he was, he still would freeze in the winter . . ."

Severus coughed. "Nagini, you do realize I'm right here?"

She spread her arms wide. "Welcome to the Death Eaters! And I do believe it's your turn to spin the bottle."

**Reviews? This one was very strange, I don't deny it. Just for the record, Snily all the way! Not once do I plan to pull the "Severus suddenly and instantaneously got over Lily and instead went for the gory, erratic and occasionally emotionless serpent-human-thing" card. However, Nagini does want to understand the birds and the bees, and he's the best candidate for it - exactly what he's feeling I'm not sure. Likely he's guilt-tripping himself for deserting Lily. Someday I plan to post a fic purely about their relationship, but for the moment I'm still too immature to even write a proper kissing scene.**

**I'm going to drag Draco into the game next chapter, and they'll likely be going to the mall in the next few. REVIEW**


	6. Draco's Dare

With a glare that could melt rock, Severus spun the bottle. Fenrir. In spite of himself, the werewolf backed away into the opposite corner. Severus smirked. "Truth or dare, Fenrir?"

First names. Those were terrifying coming from anyone save Nagini. Fenrir considered - he considered for a very long time - then eventually picked dare. He didn't harbor any deep, dark secrets, but who knows what Severus was capable of at this point.

Severus could do a lot of things. If he wanted, he could dare Fenrir to strip dance atop the fountain in the Ministry commons - Nagini would let him. But no, embarrassment leading to gory death could be rebuked later. And besides, Lucius might attempt to spend even more time with him if Fenrir wasn't around to bicker with.

"Only the darer and the daree have to hear the dare, correct?" Severus asked. Bellatrix nodded, grinning, then sent a half sympathetic, half sadistically excited look towards Fenrir, who grimaced in reply.

"Excellent. Come, Fenrir."

Fenrir considered retorting - he had plenty of leverage, now - but decided against it. Whatever his dare would be, he didn't want to make it worse.

"Goodbye, Fenrir!" Nagini called as the two of them walked towards the door. "Sorry I hit you and kicked you in the balls the other day! You're actually pretty fun to have around! I'll miss you-"

"For Satan's sake, Nagini, it's not like he's dying," Voldemort said.

"He's not?"

"Not yet," Bellatrix said, still grinning maniacally.

"Severus will be," Nagini said, vague amusement masking whatever other emotions she felt.

Meanwhile, out on the stairwell, Fenrir discovered something: it's easier to stand up to people when you're nearly a foot taller than them.

"Well?"

"I dare you to announce to the group that you are sexually attracted to cats -"

"That's both stupid and low. Did you really-"

"I'm not finished. Choose someone else and truth or dare them, but afterwards you have to go up to Bellatrix and cuddle with her, then attempt to make out with or at least kiss her. Do-"

"What did I ever do to you!?" Fenrir demanded. Nagini was right - this dare was his death sentence.

"Oh, a few things here and there. I didn't appreciate the pigtails."

"Really? This is truth or dare, Snape."

"Then no hard feelings. Let's go, shall we?"

Fenrir considered another retort, then decided it might be wiser simply to take the torture he was given rather than ask for more. Bellatrix would use enough slow torture as it was.

"I am sexually attracted to cats," Fenrir announced sarcastically, once he and Severus had reentered the room.

"That's it?" Bellatrix said scathingly. "Snape, was it really necessary to go into another room for that? That's something a twelve-year-old would say."

"Yes, that's it." Severus smirked.

"That's not it," Fenrir growled. He was unable to explain his dare and beg Bellatrix' mercy, however, seeing as Draco wandered into the room.

"Daddy, is there any chocolate milk left?"

"Draco, get dressed, it's nearly two."

"Sor-ry, I was watching My Little Pony 'til, like, three in the morning." Draco yawned, stretching in his fluffy airplane pajamas. "What're you all doing?"

"I love you!" Wormtail called. Voldemort had been giving him the evil eye since Draco, an alleged non-player, walked into the room.

"That's . . . great, Wormy." Draco stepped away, realized he'd moved closer to Bellatrix, and hurriedly backed towards the staircase.

"Truth or dare," Nagini explained. "Come play!"

"I command you, Draco, son of Lucius son of Abraxas, to come and play Truth or Dare with us," Voldemort said.

"Why exactly are we using Lord of the Rings method of address?" Nagini asked.

"Because I said so; Draco, sit down!"

Grumbling and trembling slightly, Draco murmured a hasty "Yes m'Lord" and dropped down between Lucius and Severus.

"Alright," Fenrir said. "Draco, truth or dare?"

"Da - er, truth," Draco half-sneered, half-squeaked in fear. Although he was raised by Lucius, he was also deathly afraid of the werewolf, and wasn't quite so keen to upset him.

"Describe your first kiss in great detail," Fenrir replied, almost instantly.

"My . . . my what?"

"Kiss? You do know what that means, doesn't it?" Draco nodded indignantly. "Well then," Fenrir said, "Describe it to us. Tell us about it. Oh, and you have to say who it was."

"But . . . but . . ." Draco faltered, finding himself unable to face the werewolf. Bellatrix muttered something that sounded a bit like "pathetic."

"It's not that bad, really," Nagini, Severus, Fenrir, Voldemort and Bellatrix assured him. Lucius, remembering his own hair-licking adventure, hastily agreed.

"I . . . okay," Draco said, going red with embarrassment. "Er . . . me and Pansy . . ."

"Pansy and I, Draco," Lucius intoned.

"_Me and Pansy_," Draco repeated. Those rebellious teenagers nowadays . . . "So anyway, er, me and Pansy, we were -"

"I'm taking away your My Little Pony stuffies for a week," Lucius warned. Draco stopped, turning betrayed and hate-filled eyes on his father.

"What? You can't _do_ that, Dad!"

"Then speak with proper grammar," Lucius said, puffing up his chest in a failed attempt to appear more intimidating.

Draco was on the verge of protesting, but eventually huffed, "Fine! Like I care about your stupid rules anyway."

"Continue with the story, Draco," Bellatrix said. Draco shivered.

"So, _Pansy and me_ were, like, meeting up in the, er, in the, like, closet. And then we were making fun of the stupid Gryffindors, Harry Potty and the weasel and the Mudblood. And then she got all giggly, and then she, like, kissed me, and I, like, blushed, like, really bad, but it was all dark, so she couldn't, you know, see me. And . . ."

"Okay, that's enough," Nagini said, looking nauseated.

"Not so," Severus spoke up. "He hasn't reached the best part yet."

Draco turned red. "I wasn't going to . . ."

"Oh? Do tell," Voldemort said, both excited and a little put out that Draco had had more kisses than he had.

"YesmyLord," Draco said in a rush, then realized what he'd agreed to. He sighed heavily, then continued in a rush. "Er, well, um . . . ProfessorSnapefounduskissingalotandheputusindetentionforthreeweeksandsaidwewereadisappointmenttoSlytherinand . . . yeah."

Draco spun the bottle. Voldemort. Great.

"Er . . . truth or dare, m'Lord?"

"Dare," Voldemort replied casually; Draco wouldn't dare to do anything too drastic.

"I, er . . ." Draco faltered, finding himself unable to think of something both interesting and not life-threatening. Finally he decided, "I dare you to order all the other players to stop playing for the rest of the day, but commence tomorrow . . . in a giant shopping mall." He grinned evilly.

"Oh Draco!" Bellatrix noticed, "You've finally found your evil look!" She was so excited that she barely noticed Fenrir halfheartedly trying to kiss her. A pointed, high-heeled boot to his face was enough to satisfy her in her pride.

"I . . . my what?"

"You've managed to arrange your face in a way that doesn't look like a stupid Mudblood or Bella Swan," Bellatrix explained.

"That's . . . good?" Draco had had enough of Bellatrix' casual insults to know not to protest. "I . . . thanks, I guess."

"Interesting dare, I might add," Nagini said. "What's a shopping mall?"

**Well, I added Draco! I know, I know, it's short, but the next one will be up soon. REVIEW**


	7. Adventures at Hot Topic

**I was really eager to update, the second half of this was written in the middle of the night and never edited (please excuse any grammar errors). I've added a few more characters, too. Enjoy!**

Draco knew he was in for it as his seven companions gathered around a Portkey.

To start everything off, Rodolphus, Rabastan and Narcissa had seen the Inner Circle gathered around the Portkey and asked what they were doing. Narcissa dragged the other two along as soon as she heard the words "shopping mall." This did not improve Bellatrix' mood; being in the same room with her husband for over five minutes usually resulted in increasing amounts of torture until they were no longer in the same room (and yes, at night still counted. Rodolphus slept on the couch).

Furthermore, thanks to Lucius, Fenrir had to go vegetarian for a week, and apparently what was the fault of one Malfoy was the fault of all. Except Narcissa, of course; Bellatrix was still very overprotective of her younger sister. Lucius, unable to wear perfume, was in an equally foul mood. Wormtail still had to hug people, too, and his prime victim was Draco, the most unlikely to strike back.

Then they actually took the Portkey to the mall.

"Oooooooh," Nagini hissed, looking around at all the stores. "So many people! Can I eat one?"

"Muggles," Lucius murmured disdainfully.

"Okay," Voldemort said, attempting a grin. It came out as more of a wince. "Er . . . where are we going to play?"

"Well . . ."

"Oooh, look, Hot Topic!" Rabastan cried, pointing. "C'mon, let's play there!"

"So you can get the newest fishnets?" Bellatrix asked, her lip curling.

"C'mon, Bella, you get all your Muggle . . ."

"Shut it, Rodolphus," she snapped. But she still led the reluctant procession to Hot Topic.

"Seven months of detention once we're back from Christmas break, Draco," Severus snarled. The shock of being in a mall finally seemed to have sunk in; the potions master was half hiding behind Nagini, half searching for a place to run, but no such haven was available.

"That's not fair!" Draco protested, as they filed into Hot Topic. "I didn't do anything! You can't punish me for what happens outside school!"

"I can," Bellatrix offered.

"No worries, Bellatrix," Severus said silkily. "Better to do it when he's got homework as well . . . and there is a very nice man, Argus Filch by name, who will be more than happy to oblige. Dear Dolores left him one of her quills, didn't she, Draco?" Severus Snape did not like malls.

"Good morning," the salesclerk said as the Death Eaters filed past. Rabastan and Rodolphus grinned and waved in reply; Narcissa and Lucius sneered; Bellatrix muttered "Muggle"; and Nagini told him he would be quite tasty if there was less metal in his face.

The eleven Death Eaters traipsed to the back of the shop, where they sat in a circle behind a rack of ripped black shirts. Voldemort placed a bottle of perfume in the middle ("Just to taunt me!" sniffed Lucius) and spun it. Fenrir.

"Dare."

"Hm . . . wear a pink bra over your robes for the rest of the day."

Fenrir agreed immediately; next to Severus' dare, it was nothing. He disappeared for a moment, then returned with a hot pink leopard print D-size bra over his robes. Bellatrix couldn't control herself; she burst into giggles as Fenrir unashamedly spun the bottle. Wormtail.

Glancing around the store, Wormtail's mind was filled with the horrible multitude of dares it offered. He hastily chose truth.

"If you had to have sex with anyone here, who would it be?"

If it was any Death Eater here, Wormtail would have honestly said Voldemort or Lucius; Bellatrix would kill him just for naming her. But fortunately, Narcissa and Nagini were both options, so Wormtail wouldn't have to go through the agony of deciding.

"Narcissa?" It came out more as an extremely apologetic question than an answer. Bellatrix doubled over, her laughter getting more and more shrill; Lucius' face contorted in rage, but he wouldn't touch his well-lotioned hand to Wormtail's unwashed face; Narcissa looked first affronted, then deeply disgusted.

"That's . . . understandable, actually," Voldemort said, glancing from Bellatrix to Nagini. Nagini would doubtlessly eat Wormtail; no need to get into what Bellatrix had in store.

"You wouldn't get past the doorway, you pathetic little rat," Narcissa snarled, having finally found her voice.

"You might torture me," Wormtail said, still cowering slightly, "But at least I wouldn't die a slow and painful death." And with that, he spun the perfume bottle. It landed on Rabastan.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to get everyone ice cream - allow them to give their preference - and get a few extra, which you will proceed to dump on the heads of passing Muggles." True, it was more fun than embarrassing, but at least the result wouldn't be Rabastan lusting for Wormtail's blood as nearly everyone else here was.

"Alright," Rabastan said, grinning at the prospect. "What d'you all want?"

Voldemort, Nagini, Draco, Fenrir and Wormtail wanted chocolate; Lucius, Narcissa and Severus wanted vanilla. Rodolphus was fine with whatever his brother had; to show her love, Bellatrix demanded a triple-scoop, with mint chocolate chip on the bottom, strawberry in the middle and chocolate on top, with nuts and hot fudge on a waffle cone.

"And you'd better not get anything wrong," she finished sweetly, toying with her knife. Rabastan only nodded.

"Guess I'd better truth-or-dare someone now, m'Lord?" Voldemort nodded; no need to be cruel to the man who was bringing you ice cream. Rabastan spun the perfume bottle, accidentally pressing down on the top; extremely strong 'cupcake' flavored perfume shot out at everyone.

"Eeew! This is disgusting!" Fenrir attempted to leap behind Nagini, but was hit full-on, as she had moved to "protect" Lucius from breaking his dare. By the look on the blonde Pureblood's face, he wasn't about to thank her. Bellatrix shot a quick Crucio at Rabastan, but he'd lived with her long enough to dodge out of the way.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Honestly," Bellatrix removed the curse. "You lot are Death Eaters! Who screamed?"

"I don't think any of us were hit," Nagini said.

"What was that?" a voice quickly identified the innocent target of the spell. It was the salesclerk - evidently he'd been coming over to check what was happening. With Bellatrix's giggly, over-cheerful grin and a happy offer to do more, however, he changed his mind and headed back towards the front desk to call security.

"Alright then," Rabastan fought to conceal a grin; how exactly was Severus still looking entirely serious? Others were not so successful as he, however; over half the Death Eaters were collapsed in giggles. Rabastan returned his attention to the perfume bottle, the effects of which the Death Eaters were now magicking away (Severus either pitied Nagini or just really disliked the fake cupcake smell; she only had to ask once before he removed the perfume from her as well as himself). The perfume bottle was now pointing at Severus.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Severus answered immediately.

"Hmmm..." Rabastan glanced around Hot Topic. Although this was his and his brother's prime clothing and fashion supplier, he doubted any of the others much liked it (Bellatrix stopped going the minute she discovered her husband did as well). "You and Nagini go pick out outfits for each other, then wear those for the rest of the day unless a future dare dictates otherwise. Oh, and it has to be gothic." And without giving Severus and chance to reply, Rabastan high-tailed it away to the food court.

"Is he allowed to involve me that much?" Nagini wondered aloud. "And what is 'gothic'?"

"I'll explain in a minute," Severus muttered, spinning the bottle. "Truth or dare, my Lord?"

"Propose to someone once we get to the food court." It could only be so long before Fenrir or one of the Lestrange brothers got hungry. "And be sure to have a ring. C'mon, Nagini."

"So what's gothic?" she asked the moment they were out of sight of the Death Eaters. "And before you ask, no, we're not going to choose anything together."

"I wasn't going to - but it's not a bad idea, now that you mention it."

"Not happening. This is too much fun to pass up."

"Very true. I could make you wear jeans and high-heel boots."

Nagini winced at that, but replied evenly, "You won't intimidate me into anything. I can make you go shirtless."

"I don't think that fits in with the gothic style."

"But you won't tell me what that _is, _so I have absolutely no hopes of following it."

"Well, I'm not sure Rabastan knows what it is, exactly. Basically make everything black and vaguely Victorian."

"Vaguely what?"

"Doesn't matter. Just make everything black."

"So . . . what you normally wear? If you say so."

Meanwhile, Voldemort spun the bottle. He knew exactly who he was going to propose to - and by the look on his face, so did Rodolphus. The bottle landed on Lucius.

"Truth, m'Lord." Lucius had no intention of wearing anything found in this Muggle shop.

Voldemort took a long, long time in thinking of a truth. In fact, he found himself unable to think of one. In Severus' absence and Bellatrix' naivety to Voldemort's dilemma, Draco came to the rescue, whispering a beautiful, perfect truth that was sure to get his father to allow Severus to keep those detentions coming all summer.

"If your wife - Narcissa, that is - was turned into an animal, and the only way to turn her back was to mate with her in that animal form, which animal would you prefer she become?"

"Why am I the victim of all these?" Narcissa demanded indignantly. "When do I get to dare someone?"

"The spin of the bottle is the spin of the bottle," Nagini murmured, passing by with a heavy leather jacket over her arm. Bellatrix caught her eye, grinning, and directed her towards the skirt, bra and tights sections.

Lucius went bright red as he fumbled for an answer to the incredibly awkward question. It was made even more awkward, of course, by the presence of his wife and son. Finally he muttered something incomprehensible.

"Didn't catch that, sorry," Bellatrix said.

"I said a . . . aflufflySiamesecat."

"A fluffy Siamese cat," Fenrir repeated incredulously, half amused, half deeply disturbed. "_A fluffy Siamese cat._"

"Once was enough," Rodolphus snapped. "We really didn't need to hear that again."

Narcissa merely sent her husband an acidic look before going to sit between Voldemort and Severus' empty place on the other side of the circle.

Still furiously red, eyes daring anyone to poke fun, Lucius spun the bottle. Bellatrix was still laughing in a deeply disturbed sort of way; she fell silent when the bottle stopped, pointing to her.

"Dare."

"Go to the salon and get a makeover after we leave here."

"Ahem," Voldemort cut in. "We're eating lunch after we leave here."

"After we eat lunch, then." God knows Lucius had waited long enough for this.

"You will regret this dearly, Lucius Malfoy," Bellatrix snarled. She was now flipping her knife back and forth between her fingers so viciously that beads of blood were beginning to form on her fingers, but she seemed to be unaware, even as Voldemort edged ever so slightly away from her. She leaned forward to spin the bottle, flecks of blood sliding over the glass as she did.

"Ah . . . Rodolphus, truth or dare?"

"Truth." The answer was immediate. Bellatrix looked slightly put out.

"Alright, then . . ." Bellatrix tried and failed to come up with something disturbing and original as Draco had, but found herself unable - most questions of that nature would put her in the spotlight as much as him. "Would you rather live the rest of your life as a Muggle, or do as Lucius would with his fluffy Siamese cat? And no, that cat is not my sister."

"Um . . . _what!?_"

"That is positively the most absurd question I have ever heard."

"C'mon, the choice is easy!"

"Is it a male cat?"

Rabastan emerged upon the rather awkward scene levitating ten ice cream cones before him. "Security's coming this way," he informed the group as everyone crowded around to grab the best ice creams. Bellatrix, pleased as she was with Rodolphus' dare, let Rabastan off even though he got chocolate chips rather than chopped nuts.

"I'd rather go with the cat," Rodolphus said hurriedly. He spun the bottle; it landed on Narcissa. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Narcissa sniffed. Severus and Nagini returned to the circle just then. Although their expressions heavily belied it, they'd actually been relatively merciful on each other. Both wore black skinny jeans and boots, which Nagini kicked off the moment she sat down. In revenge for the leather jacket, Severus gave Nagini ample amounts of jewelry. Bellatrix collapsed into yet another fit of giggles at the sight of them.

"I dare you to get a makeover with Bellatrix."

Narcissa gasped furiously, opening and closing her mouth several times, searching for a retort vicious enough to amount to his insult. Bellatrix reacted more quickly; she threw her knife across the circle. It landed in Rodolphus' shoulder. He winced, gasping in pain, and almost immediately turned to Severus.

"Got any healing potions?"

Rolling his eyes, Severus pulled out several small vials. Best to come prepared, especially when going anywhere with Bellatrix. "This one's disinfectant; these two will heal up the cut; this stops any scarring; this is a blood replenisher." He turned, businesslike, to Bellatrix. "You're going to have to start paying me back for these, you know. Potions ingredients are expensive, not to mention all the brewing time."

"Rodolphus is the one who uses them."

"Yes, because you -"

"I didn't do anything . . . for no good reason, that is."

"You have a joint Gringotts account, Bellatrix, why does it even matter?"

"Spin the bottle, Narcissa."

Shooting another furious look at her brother-in-law, who was painstakingly pulling Bellatrix' knife out of his shoulder (Fenrir sighed, exasperated, and yanked it out for him after a full minute of this), Narcissa complied.

"Truth or dare, Draco?"

"Dare, Mum."

Well, he was her son, and Narcissa wasn't a cruel mother. "Pick out new clothes for Nagini and Professor Snape; I don't like those."

"Me neither!" Nagini agreed. "Jeans are evil! Not to mention . . ."

"Okay," Draco said, smirking. He stood, then remembered he had to truth-or-dare someone. Kneeling, he spun the bottle: Nagini.

"Dare."

"Get a makeover with Mum and Aunt Bella."

"Okay . . . I don't know what it is, though. And I'm not wearing any makeup."

"I'll bear that in mind."

"I supply most of the antidotes for the Death Eaters, Draco, which I believe you are a part of over the summer," Severus supplied. "Do your worst."

Nagini spun the bottle. "Fenrir, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Hm . . ." What would be interesting? Fenrir was already wearing a hot pink bra over his clothes; clearly, there was little this mall could offer that he found distinctly daunting. "Get your ears pierced," she finally decided. "In four different places."

"I can do the piercing!" Bellatrix offered enthusiastically.

"Er . . . that's all right, Bellatrix, I don't want gauges," Fenrir replied. As dares went, this really wasn't that bad . . .

"And wear very bright, dangly earrings in all four," Nagini added.

. . . or maybe it was. And as Fenrir already had one ear pierced, a cartilage piercing was really unavoidable.

"I can do that while you're getting that makeover, right?"

"Yeah, sure. Just so long as you spend plenty of time in the mall with it."

_Great_. Well, Fenrir didn't have much to look forward to come lunchtime anyway, as he was only allowed vegetables and tofu and other rabbit food. Sighing in resignation, he spun the bottle.

"Rabastan, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Eat nothing but sauces and condiments for the rest of the day."

"Okay." Rabastan grinned . . . then the dare sunk in. "I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS!? YOU-"

"Spin the bottle, Rabastan," Bellatrix ordered. Fenrir was smirking. Looking mutinous, Rabastan complied.

"Truth or dare, Rod?" Or that was what he meant to say - the words came out a bit muffled, as Rabastan had just jammed the rest of his ice cream into his mouth before he was forced to give it up.

"Dare."

Rabastan swallowed hugely before saying, "Go find a teenage Muggle girl and ask her to put the Inner Circle into couples." Rodolphus nodded and, avoiding Bellatrix' glare, went to find a Muggle teenager.

"Wow, you just made yourself a lot of enemies," Nagini said. "You could have just said all of us."

"I could've." Rabastan hastily nudged the bloodied knife out of Bellatrix' line of vision.

Rodolphus returned very quickly, a number of girls in his wake. The first, a redhead with a silver and green scarf around her neck, looked at the circle appraisingly.

"Who is it we're supposed to pair up, again?" she asked. At a gesture from Voldemort, the Inner Circle stood and lined themselves up. "Ah. Excellent. Everyone except her, then?" she asked, gesturing towards Narcissa. Draco was still selecting clothes for Nagini and Severus.

"No violence," Voldemort commanded.

"Alright, well you two would look very good together . . . move along now, no complaining . . . yes, I _know, _that's what makes it cute . . . hm . . . well that fixes the height problem . . . alright . . ." Bellatrix wasn't the only one having a very hard time following Voldemort's recently issued orders. "Beautiful! What d'you all think?"

Everyone turned to look incredulously at their partner. Although Rodolphus and Rabastan weren't supposed to be included, they'd been paired with each other. Bellatrix was put with Fenrir; Nagini was with Voldemort, as he was the only one taller than she. And Severus and Lucius were together.

"Ew!"

"Oh, _god_!"

"This is disgusting!"

"He's a guy!"

"He's my brother!"

"He's a Halfblood!"

"He's a werewolf!"

"He's a human!"

"Ooooh, werewolf?" another of the girls asked.

"Half what?"

"I think he isn't human, actually . . . are you?"

"Okay, my turn." A blonde pushed her way to the front. "I'll do better than Anna here."

"The deal was once!" Bellatrix protested, but Rabastan and Rodolphus seemed to have gone deaf, as neither were inclined to answer.

The second time took longer than the first. This girl wanted to know about all their magical abilities. Even after being assured by everyone that being Halfblood was no gift, she still inexplicably decided that Severus and Voldemort were something along the lines of demonkin.

These pairings were a little more preferable, at least. Rabastan was with Lucius, Rodolphus with Fenrir ("Think of it as drinking buddies!"), Bellatrix with Voldemort and Severus with Nagini. A stream of complaints along the lines of the last round broke out once more.

"Aw, c'mon, you guys are no fun," the redhead pouted.

"I'm _married._" Rodolphus said with a pained expression.

"So am I," Lucius chimed in.

"I'm taken," Bellatrix snapped. Then she turned to the blonde. "But you had it right."

"They're humans," Nagini tried to explain. Even Fenrir was unable to sympathize with her on this point, though.

"Didn't bother you before, did it?" Bellatrix hissed.

"Actually it did . . ."

"Nagini, we're not getting into this," Severus muttered.

Nagini was saved from having to reply, however, as Draco appeared, looking extremely smug as he beckoned to both her and Severus.

"So, you're all playing Truth or Dare?" the redheaded girl, Anna, was asking. "Cool! Can we join?"

"Er . . ."

"No," Bellatrix said flatly; evidently she was still bitter about being paired with Fenrir.

"Come on, we're loads of fun," another girl chimed in. "And we're cool with anything - we won't get all bitter or sulky or anything, and -"

"I think you want to clean off that knife blade soon, Bellatrix," Fenrir said loudly. "You know how hard it is to scrub off after it dries . . ."

However, the girls' reaction was the opposite of what he'd intended.

"Oooh, you have a knife?"

"Are you sure that's allowed?"

"It's okay, though, we won't tell anyone . . ."

"Yes, I have a knife," Bellatrix snarled, locating it. "I just stabbed that when it annoyed me," she added, nodding at Rodolphus. He pouted; being called 'it' was an all-time low.

"That's cool," Anna said, dropping into Nagini's spot. "Wait, we haven't introduced ourselves. That's Emily - there's Kim - that's Britney, and over here's . . ."

"That's excellent," Narcissa said, forcing a smile. "Truth or dare?" The rest of the Death Eaters stared at her as if she had just announced she was sleeping with Dumbledore, but she gave it no notice.

The girls glanced at each other, then the one called Kim replied, "Dare."

"I dare you to go and deliver as many shoeboxes as you can to the McDonalds," Narcissa said swiftly. And her plan worked - the girls departed to find shoeboxes with no more than a moment's hesitation.

"Cheers, Narcissa."

"Amazing woman, you are."

"You're-"

"I don't want to hear anything from _you,_ Rodolphus," she sniffed. He had to take a second to remember his offense; Narcissa didn't like him much more than Bellatrix, although sometimes she did take pity on him. Oh, of course. He'd told her to get a makeover. Well, Lucius had told Bellatrix to do the same, and no one was trying to murder _him_._._. sometimes life wasn't fair.

It was then that Severus, Nagini and Draco returned. Draco was looking slightly put out, Severus satisfied. The reason for this was immediately apparent; Severus was once again dressed normally. Nagini, however, was wearing a black corset with matching lace, a black miniskirt, hot pink fishnets and combat boots.

"I think I liked the first one better," Fenrir commented.

"Yeah, Draco's in for it," she replied easily. "Come on, let's go eat lunch, shall we? I want to get out of this Hot Topic place."

**I've been reading too much My Immortal, evidently, as I had to resort to 'references to crappy things' humor. Ah well, if Ebony's good for one thing, it's boosting self-esteem. Be prepared for more crappy references later, and REVIEW!**

**Suggest anything, and I'm sure to use it. I've resorted to the internet in search of good truths.**


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